MacComedy

Invitation-only party at trendy LA nightclub Les Deux to feature guests such as Jay-Z, Al Gore and Firefox.

Boxes of Cristal Champagne were seen being delivered to the Les Deux nightclub in Los Angeles on Friday, the day before Mac’s 25th birthday.  The party will be pretty extravagant, even by LA standards.  Musicians such as Jay-Z and Bono are expected along with celebrities such as Justin “I’m a Mac” Long and software titles such as iTunes and that sexy minx Firefox, who has been seen whoring around with a number of operating systems lately.  The entire Microsoft Office for Mac entourage is expected as well.  Most will be arriving by limousine or a series of tubes.

Google was invited to the party, but his overwhelming size may prevent him from being able to fit in the door.  iWork can’t make it due to being stuck in a cloud somewhere.  Vista, of course, was not invited but is expected to show up anyway by doing what he does best — crashing.

Mac was born on January 24, 1984 as the bastard love child of the Apple Lisa.  While Mac’s father never came forward, some suspected that it was a little-known ladies’ man named Xerox Alto, due to striking similarities between Mac’s interface and that of Alto.

MacComedy was able to interview Mac via phone earlier in the week and asked him to reminisce a little over the past 25 years.

“There was a lot of fanfare in the beginning,” said Mac.  “I mean, how many people have Ridley Scott direct their birth announcement?”

It was also awkward being so different.

“A lot of the other computers at school would tease me,” Mac said.  “They’d point at my mouse and say it looked like my pee pee was hanging out.  Or they’d see the icons on my screen and call me Picture Face.  I was an all-in-one unit back then, when everyone else had their monitor and CPU separated.  So they’d say, ‘Where’s your neck, Picture Face?’ or ‘Nice head, Macinstupid’  It was tough.”

Growing up wasn’t any easier.

“I was one of the last kids in my class to get color, so that sucked.  And a lot of my classmates could do math more quickly than I could.”

But things changed and as Mac gained more acceptance, some other computers tried to copy him.

“I remember being 11-years-old and on the playground when these kids from Power Computing came over and started bragging, ‘Look, Mac, we look just like you!  We can run your operating system, too.  You’re not so special,’” Mac remembered.  “I hit that kid so hard I think I cracked his motherboard.  I was pretty violent back then.  Maybe it was because I had so few video games to let out my aggression.”

One copycat that Mac couldn’t stop was Windows.

“He’s been trying to be like me for so long,” said Mac.  “I kinda feel bad for the guy.  The only way he can survive is by latching on to every piece of crap PC he can.  He’s been with so many manufacturers — Acer, Dell, HP, Sony, you name it.  Not to mention those PCs people build in their basement.  No wonder he has so many viruses.  He’s like a slutty little parasite.”

As a foster child, Mac had a lot of different father figures — John Sculley, Michael Spindler, Gil Amelio and of course, Steve Jobs.

“Steve was around in the beginning, but he left pretty early on,” said Mac.  “He came back into my life when I was about 13 and really helped make me into the person that I am today.  He really improved my self image and showed me that people could really love me for me.  Of all the father figures I’ve had in my life, Steve is the one I call dad.”

Jobs recreated Mac as an all-in-one unit (again) when he was 14.  “Those were really my coming out years,” said Mac.  “I really started developing a voice of my own and felt like a trendsetter once again.  Like most teenagers, I was a little rebellious.  I started wearing all these different colors and patterns.  It was an experimental time in my life.”

“I’ve lost a lot of weight since then.  Mostly from working out,” said Mac.  “And exchanging the giant CRT tube in my head for an LCD screen.  That didn’t hurt either.”

To Mac, the future looks bright.

“I think this party is an awesome way of welcoming the next 25 years,” he said.  “We’ll get drunk, do some RAM.  And I’m totally going to grab Linux and fondle her Ubuntu.”