Cube experiencing bouts of depression since being discontinued
Wednesday, July 11, 2001 12:31“Why don’t people love me?”
The Power Mac G4 Cube has been experiencing serious bouts of depression since being discontinued by Apple on July 3 due to poor sales.
Friends close to the Cube say he has been engaging in risky behavior such as exposing himself to extreme temperatures, sticking foreign objects (such as bread) into his sleek, slot-loading CD-ROM drive, and downloading files from unknown computers without using virus protection.
“Why don’t people love me?” asked the Cube. “I’m quiet, powerful, and I’m neatly packed inside an 8-inch cube! An 8-inch f***ing cube!”
The iMac family may also be in jeopardy. Sales of the gumdrop shaped computer have been dwindling in retail outlets and many believe Apple CEO Steve Jobs will introduce a massive overhaul of the machine at MacWorld New York next week.
“I can understand how the Cube feels,” says the old Bondi Blue iMac. “Times change and technology comes and goes. What’s innovative one day is boring the next. Then again, I guess I changed the way computers are designed forever. I revolutionized the desktop PC. That never really happened for the Cube. So I guess it was kind of a pointless existance for him. Oh well, he’ll make a good fish tank.”
“When we first came out, everyone was like ‘Ooo, colors!’,” said the Strawberry iMac. “Then everything started coming out in colors. Phones, CD players, that lame series of computers Gateway tried to introduce. And everything was the same five colors as my brothers and I. Real original, guys. Real original.”
Other iMacs seemed to have their own problems to deal with.
“I’m not gay,” insisted the Grape iMac, wearing a leather dust cover.
“Hey, smoke this bong,” said the Flower Power iMac. “I can see right through you, dude.”
The window has been left open by Apple that the Cube may be reintroduced at a later date. But most people think that was merely said to keep the Cube from going over the edge.
“There’s no way they’re ever bringing back the Cube,” said Shawn King, host of The Mac Show Live. “The cube is dead! Dead like Princess Diana.”
The Cube doesn’t seem to have taken Apple’s bait. “It was a nice try,” said the Cube. “They stab you in the back and then try to give you a little glimmer of hope. I’m not falling for it. Diana, I’m coming home.”