MacComedy

More polar bears to be displaced

An Apple patent application, originally filed in May 2007 but just published on Thanksgiving Day, details the Mac maker’s plans for a new laptop to use “liquid coolants” to keep it from overheating.  But where will those liquid coolants come from?

The polar ice caps.

MacBooks are known for getting so hot on the bottom that you can fry an egg on it.  Apple has even warned users not to set the MacBook Pro on their laps.  Several cases of BPS, or “Burned Penis Syndrome”, have even been reported as a result of the scalding power of the laptop…  er, foldable computer that you can place on a desk or some other heat resistant surface.

Current MacBooks use active cooling in the form of moving fans.  While cheap and environmentally friendly, these fans can also be large and noisy.  Plus, not a lot of blogs will write about you just for including another fan in your laptop.

Diagrams from Apple’s patent clearly show a piece of polar ice — probably a piece of a polar bear’s home — attached to a pump and connected to a hydrogen plate behind the computer screen.

Diagram from Apple's patent on polar ice cooled laptops

Heat from the Mac will melt the ice.  The water will then travel through the hydrogen plate, dispersing the heat before finally trickling out a hole in the back.  While some may be upset that their computer is constantly dripping melted ice from the arctic that a polar bear probably used to sleep on, the patent also describes an attachable device that can be purchased separately to collect the water when you’re not outside or near a drain — kind of like a MacBook colostomy bag.

While some environmentalists are upset over the use of polar ice, Senior Vice President of Devices Hardware Engineering Mark Papermaster says use it or lose it.

“We know the ice caps are melting,” said Papermaster.  “This is a chance to put some of that ice to good use before it all disappears.”

Obviously this is not a closed system — the lukewarm water eventually drips out the MacBook.  That means users will need to purchase a new block of polar ice every month or so.  Apple will be the only provider of the blocks of ice, which will cost about $29 each.

This is not the first time Apple has experimented with liquid cooling.  The liquid-cooled dual 2.5GHz PowerMac G5 was introduced in Spring 2004.  That system was prone to leaking.  Water would spill onto the motherboard, causing shortages and fires.  At least one dog was killed. The new MacBook drainage system appears to be a way around this problem.

Apple is also looking at other coolants, such as the nectar of an endangered rainforest orchid or the blubber from a clubbed baby seal, which probably won’t be used due to the smell.

The liquid cooled MacBooks will not be introduced until at least mid-2010.