MacComedy

Apple is hosting a special media event at 1 p.m. EDT today in regards to a software update about the iPhone.  Here are the Top 10 rumors regarding what features this update will include.

1. Copy and Paste, but only one character at a time.
2. Shake the iPhone to call a random person.
3. Jailbreak Guard – Attempting to jailbreak your iPhone will now literally cause it to melt while playing a sound clip of Steve Jobs laughing.
4. Ringtones created from songs in iTunes will be free, although you won’t be able to select which song the iPhone should use.  We hear it likes this guy.
5. More icons will fit on the screen so you can see even more Apps you never use.
6. Turn-by-turn GPS navigation will be included, although it won’t direct you where you want to go, but where Steve Jobs thinks you should go.
7. More sensitive touch screen can detect when you’re mad at it by how much pressure you’re applying to the screen and reacting appropriately.  (usually by pissing you off even more)
8. iPhone will now be able to record video.  When you least expect it…
9. Upgrade your current Apps to make them “sound better” for just 30 cents each with App Store Plus.
10. The iPhone won’t just be able to send picture messages, but can automatically tell which pictures are the most embarassing and will send them to your girlfriend and coworkers. It will even post them on Facebook!